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On blog reading and writing 6 February, 2016

Posted by Queen of Spades in employmentquest, life, research.
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I really like blogs, and I read a fair few. Apart from friends’ blogs, I mostly read those of other health professionals, health students, scientists or researchers. It helps if they post food pictures, are snappy dressers or creative, or discuss both professional and personal matters. Being in the health field, its tricky discussing the last two due to confidentiality constraints, both concerning patients, and the professional’s life, in the Google-your-healthcare-provider-or-potential-employee age that we live in. I realise, however, that the blogs I enjoy the most are ones that discuss the personal, at least to some extent: reactions to tricky professional situations, travel, self-care, family. So with this in mind, I’ll try injecting a bit more of myself into this (so far, pretty dry) blog.

This week, I felt more like the bug than the windscreen. I didn’t get a job that I had pinned my hopes on and that would have been a really good fit, my research participants all cancelled, there are some family health issues, and exercise (which I use, not just for fitness but also for mood) felt painful and like a chore.

There are quite a few jobs out there in my field, but I had not realised how stiff the competition is. Not getting this job makes me worry that I won’t get a job, and feel angry at the thought that I’ve spent so many years studying and working hard, and there might not be light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, no one’s promised that there would be a shiny job at the end of the hard slog, but being human* means you assume things such as hard work -> some sort of reward. It’s also especially frustrating when you know that the mental health needs of Australians are far from decreasing, and that all the services you’ve done training with are stretched beyond capacity, with high rates of burn-out for clinicians – and yet there aren’t enough new jobs. (I should mention that I haven’t been applying for heaps of jobs, just very specific part-time ones, since I’m still doing my research. Not to mention that many/most positions are not available for people still finishing their clinical degree, which is fair enough.)

This brings me to the second point: I’m trying to finish my research, and even though I am still really interested in it, I also feel disheartened by the publication cycle and how hard it seems to get my last lot of participants. People are very generous to volunteer their time to participate in studies, and many have already done so for my research. So much goes on “behind the scenes”, before I meet with participants: out of those who contact me to say they’re interested, I end up talking to and screening about 2/3rds. Out of these, maybe half are eligible. Then I have time set aside for assessments, and it sucks when people don’t turn up. Even when they do – there’s a lot of forward and backward emailing, calling, schedule-checking, etc. Of course, there’s no reason for participants to know all this background information. TL;DR – research is really time-intensive and it makes me sad when participants cancel or don’t show up, which happens regularly. (Even so, I’m grateful that so many people have been interested in my research.)

Running, which is my preferred form of exercise, normally helps with life’s bumps and jolts, such as the above. I’ve recently come back from an (amazing!) overseas trip (honeymoon, actually), with some unwelcome residual sinus issues probably made worse by rapid changes in climate and aggressive airplane air conditioning. This has made running painful for the past couple of weeks. Bad breathing -> huge stitches -> sad runner. I’ve powered through: two painful Parkruns, a painful trail-running race, and a painful short run with a friend. I’ve tried to stay mindful, and the beautiful scenery of the trail run helped, but still, not the best outlet. Happy to report that this morning’s Parkrun was relatively-pain free, probably helped by sucking it up and taking some antihistamine medication.

So where to, from here? I’ll apply for other jobs that seem suitable to my stage in training. I’ll keep screening research participants, whether or not they end up coming in. I’ll keep going. And I’ll also see how this personal-and-professional blogging thing goes.


* Really, an instrumentally-conditioned animal.

Headspin 1 July, 2015

Posted by Queen of Spades in clinical, life, placement.
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Finishing a placement and then having to prepare for a new one is disorienting. You still have your old cases whirling around in your head, as well as reminders about weekly to-dos like team meetings, case reviews, referrals, bits of theory you want to read up on, things to chase up like metabolic screening, questionnaires, and you remember the nice Japanese and Thai cafes and the little greengrocer right next to the train station and the amazing Greek cake shop and how convenient it was to have a Woolies basically inside the station…and then it all changes. You have to let go of all that, and make yourself familiar with a new team, new names, new admin, a new hospital/clinic, a new way of doing notes, and a completely new location where you don’t know all the good places to eat, the coffee shops, if you’ll have time for breaks, what parking is like, etc etc etc. (My next placement happens to be somewhere I used to work a long, long time ago so I’m somewhat familiar with the location, although it’s all changed now.) It’s like starting a new job every 6 months.

Not to mention an entirely different patient group. So far my external placements have been in adult settings, whereas the one I’m going to is in paediatrics. I haven’t worked with children and families in about a year. I need to dust off my developmental books and my family therapy skills. I was fortunate to get a good amount of time in the university clinic both assessing children with suspected learning disorders and attentional difficulties, as well as doing therapy for different age ranges and presenting problems, but I still feel unprepared. What if…?

I was lucky enough to get a 1.5 week break between placements, which I’m using to recruit and test participants for my research, and to catch up on TV shows (The Killing, The Fall, and Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell are current favourites) and on knitting. I’ve also got a weekend trip out of the city coming up, where the plan is to walk around a lot, eat lots of food, play lots of games – can’t wait. I hope it clears my mind a bit.

The Real World! First External Placement 16 June, 2015

Posted by Queen of Spades in assessment, clinical, placement, postgrad.
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Hello! It’s been a while.

Mid-last year I was sent out into the Real World on my first external placement, in the neurology department of a large hospital. Got to see plenty of interesting presentations, both in inpatient and outpatient. I learned to use lots of cognitive assessment instruments, and I’d like to think that I improved my history-taking and assessment skills. I also got to shadow neurologists, neuropsychologists and techs, become very familiar with the ward, and see some interesting procedures, and some neurosurgery. This was a full-on assessment placement, meaning no therapy. This is somewhat uncommon for clinical psychology interns, but because of my love of brains and the nervous system in general, and because of my area of research, I decided to do it, even though it meant taking a 6-month break from psychological therapy.

While clinical neuropsychologists are experts in assessment in a neurological context (i.e. when there is an organic basis for perceived deficits, such as stroke, traumatic brain injury, etc.), all psychologists are trained to do some types of cognitive assessment in the general population. Cognitive assessment is a core aspect of any psychologist’s training and duties, and yet it’s not very common in the popular perception of psychologists – certainly not as much as therapy is. Many psychologists also do capacity assessments.

Before starting in my course, I’d considered doing a Master of Clinical Neuropsychology instead, due to the aforementioned love of the brain. And I continued toying with the idea of doing this later on in life. However, this placement made me reconsider, to my surprise: I found the short-term nature of involvement with patients, and the fact that you don’t typically do any treatment yourself, unsatisfying. That being said, I do very much enjoy doing cognitive assessments, so ideally I’d like to work in an area needing both therapy and some assessment.

To respect confidentiality, I’m not going to talk about any specific cases. But I thought I’d write about the general process of getting a neuropsych assessment, as I understand it from this placement. It is possible that this process is different in other settings where these assessments are often done, such as brain injury units.

1. You, or your family, develop concerns about a change in some aspect of cognition or behaviour: increased forgetfulness, problems following directions, recklessness or impulsivity, lack of concentration, speaking/reading/writing difficulties, not coping with job or education demands, etc. Maybe your family have concerns about your capacity to manage finances, consent to medical procedures, or manage day-to-day life.

2. You see your GP, who does the first-line investigations, but if these do not suggest an immediate answer/solution, will refer you to a neurologist. (Or to another type of specialist if a non-neurological problem is suspected.)

3. The neurologist will often get some further investigations done (e.g. neuroimaging), and if appropriate, will then make a referral for a neuropsychological assessment. A neurologist may also make such a referral following a stroke, or for chronic diseases affecting the nervous system such as multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease, etc.

4. For the assessment, you come in for 1-2 sessions, during which a history is taken from you and (preferably) a close family member as well, and an assessment is conducted, tailored to answer the referral query (which is sometimes really vague: “X may be prone to being taken advantage of by others”; “please assess cognitive function”) and taking other factors into consideration, such as your English language fluency, general cognitive status, if an interpreter needs to be used, physical impairments such as missing limbs, blindness, pronounced tremor etc. The assessment consists of a test battery – different tasks that look at different aspects of cognitive function such as memory, speed of information processing, attention, verbal abilities, reasoning, problem-solving, etc depending on the referral question and clinical judgement.

5. The assessment is then scored, and a report is written up and sent to the referrer, that typically includes a brief history, findings, and the impression (i.e. if the findings appear to support or not support a particular diagnosis, opinion regarding capacity, etc).

6. Feedback is often also given to the patient and family, with easy-to-understand major findings and general recommendations on what would be helpful in terms of managing day-to-day activities, given the pattern of deficits found (if any). Often the recommendations will involve having other investigations (e.g. sleep studies – if the patient reported having disrupted sleep), seeing other professionals (such as a clinical psychologist – for adjustment to a diagnosis, implementing day-to-day strategies, or if the cognitive deficits found seem more in line with depression or an anxiety disorder), or becoming involved in support groups (e.g. for MS, PD, etc).

7. There will often be a recommendation for follow-up testing in 12 months’ time, or sooner if further changes are noted.

And that’s all for today…I’m now almost at the end of my second external placement, in a very different setting – but I’ll cover this in a future post.

World Mental Health Day 2014 5 October, 2014

Posted by Queen of Spades in resources.
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World Mental Health Day is on 10 Oct, and (Australian) National Mental Health Week is between 5-12 October 2014. The theme for WMHD2014 is “Living With Schizophrenia”.

The ABC will be running a week’s worth of mental health-centred programming – check out the highlights here: ABC’s Mental As.

About 1 in 2 Australians will experience a mental health problem at some point in their life, and we are all affected by mental health issues: our own, those of our family and loved ones, and in our communities. Mental health Week is a good incentive to get people to think a bit more about their own mental health as well as those of others, to reduce stigma around mental health, and to connect with others.

With these three points in mind, I will post a few resources to check out:

1. Mental health info and services.

    BeyondBlue is a good place to start reading about mental health issues, especially depression and anxiety, which are the most common mental health conditions.

    For young people, ReachOut is also a good place to visit when things get tough.

    Project Air Strategy, maintained by the University of Wollongong, is a resource specifically for personality disorders, and includes a state-by-state treatment directory.

    National Eating Disorders Collaboration is a repository of good information about eating disorders and their treatment.

    In NSW there is a great resource for schizophrenia: The Schizophrenia Fellowship.

2. Stigma is alive and well.

    Not only is there stigma towards having a mental health condition, but also stigma and discrimination towards other personal characteristics (such as race, sexuality, gender) can greatly contribute to mental health problems. Check out BeyondBlue’s Stop. Think. Respect. campaign – they have some great videos on this issue.

    Think before you call someone “mad” or “crazy”, before you assume that people with mental health issues are “lazy”, “attention-seeking”, “manipulative” or “aggressive”, or before you ascribe mental health difficulties to behaviour that seems unusual *to you*.

    This goes not only for the more well-known mental health issues, but also for ones that don’t garner as much attention or support, such as personality disorders, which are often described in pejorative terms or not taken seriously, despite the fact that they represent long-standing, severe difficulties that can pervasively affect many aspects of life.

3. Get connected.

    SANE Australia has forums for people with mental health issues, as well as carers’ forums.

    BlueBoard, maintained by the Australian National University, is another good forum for sharing experiences with mental health difficulties.

    ReachOut also have forums for young people with mental health concerns.

If you’re after a mental health professional (such as a GP with an interest in mental health, a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist) in your area, check out this “Find a Professional” service provided by BeyondBlue.

And of course, if in crisis, call Lifeline (13 11 14) – they are there 24/7 to lend an ear.

Season change 4 April, 2014

Posted by Queen of Spades in clinical, life, postgrad, university.
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I much prefer autumn and spring to summer and winter – I see them as transitional seasons, which of course isn’t quite accurate, as every season is a transition. But in spring and autumn, it feels like the transition is somehow more extreme, and so it’s not as monotonous as three months of heat or cold.

This summer has left me battered and bruised, and I’m glad it’s now autumn. I can feel the cool change in the air, especially in the morning and at night, a touch of crispness. It feels like I’m slowly waking up – opening my eyes, moving on. This is not really a personal blog so I won’t go into the details, but the past few months have played havoc with my internal and external life. I hope now is the time to get some distance and heal.

My course continues and I still love it, although it’s hard at times. In this clinical rotation the emphasis is much more on process, a notion which is hard to describe. Basically it’s focusing on the dynamics in the therapy room between therapist and patient, rather than solely on the presenting problems. This is challenging for me as a novice therapist, as it is quite a confronting process, both for therapist and patient, as it involves pointing out the “backstage” elements of what is a constructed social interaction. Therapy is about being truthful, rather than being nice, but it’s hard to be truthful in a nice way at times. I’m also learning about different ways of “being” in the therapy room with different types of patients, which is also challenging. Being “nice, supportive therapist” will not get some (most?) people to shift.

There’s also only a couple of months until we are released into the “real world” for our external placements, which is quite scary/exciting. In the mean time, I’m also learning lots of neuro, and there may be some brain dissectin’ going on in the future. Not having done a human brain before, this is exciting.

Things I am loving right now: coffee, Swedish crime fiction (everyone in these books drinks so much coffee), and that it’s cool enough to wear leggings. Yes, sometimes it’s the little things that get you through.

How long is a piece of string? 8 July, 2013

Posted by Queen of Spades in clinical, life, postgrad, research.

Here’s the thing: changing careers is hard. Not just because of the need to pick up completely new skills, and hit the ground running, but also because everyone expects you to be unwaveringly enthusiastic about how you’re going in your new field. You feel a need to prove to everyone that this is not a mistake, that you’ll make it, that this is ‘it’.

So when the going gets hard, there’s still this need to keep smiling, because ‘you chose this’ and ‘if you don’t like it, why don’t you go do something easier’. This week, the going got hard. I’m trying to get my research off the ground, conceptually, and it’s like hitting my head against a brick wall. I have to bring something new to the table, so I had a couple of ideas that I thought would be pretty nifty to look at, and they are – but it turns out they’re also too involved for the scope of my current degree. It’s hard finding the ‘right’ idea: one that’s above all, interesting enough to sustain you throughout the degree, but that will also let you graduate at some point, and that’s also possible given the chronic lack of time. Not too little, not too big. (Hence the title of this post.)

While trying to get my research off the ground, I’m also trying to memorise hundreds of symptoms (plus changes from one diagnostic system to another), trying to learn different therapies and techniques so I can provide adequate treatment in the clinic, make weekly session plans, and prep for upcoming neuropsych assessments that we do throughout the degree. (And this is my ‘mid-year break’ – soon, coursework will start up again.) All these components are pretty much separate. Patients don’t (and shouldn’t have to!) care that you have to do research; the research supervisor doesn’t care that you have to do coursework; the neuropsych supervisor doesn’t care that you’ve had a hard clinical week and don’t feel like writing reports. And exactly zero people care that you also have to work for money. And the admin. Oh, the admin – it never ends, and I’m sure one day it will provide the subject for an absurdist play. So this is where I’m at right now.

I started writing this post a few days ago, but wanted to cool off a bit before submitting it. Now, looking back at it, I have to smile a little, because this really is what I want to be doing, and I do generally prefer to keep busy. But, the point is, there most certainly are bad days, and just because something is done by choice, there shouldn’t be an expectation (often self-imposed) of permanent cheerfulness.

Self-care 9 June, 2013

Posted by Queen of Spades in clinical, life, postgrad.
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So, I’m now almost a full semester into my clinical program, and a few short weeks away from starting the first placement. I’ve learned a lot in the past few months – I’ve picked up knowledge and skills, and I’ve heard plenty of both inspiring and shocking things (which doesn’t mean I feel at all prepared, by the way). What I am coming to learn about providing psychological therapy is that, essentially, its purpose is to get people to do all the things they don’t want to do: face terrible situations they don’t want to face, perform actions that they really don’t want to perform, do things that are really hard and painful.

Because the training program is demanding, we are told to implement as many self-care strategies as we can, now as students, and as future clinicians, to avoid burn-out and damage to our own health (pity these things aren’t built into the program).

So I thought I’d run through some of the things I do for self-care, as a reminder to myself when things get even more full-on, and also for anyone else looking for ideas.

1. Live life.
There’s often a temptation to hole up and shut the world out while you get through study. At some point last year, I noticed that if I held back from social occasions or other fun things I would stay home, possibly mope, most likely procrastinate, whereas if I did go out/have a holiday etc, even though that would leave less time for study, I would be more efficient. So this year I’m doing things outside the course (within reason – as there are some hard limits on my time and energy).

2. Exercise!
I cannot emphasise this enough. I started running 6 months ago and I’m *very* slowly building up to 5km. (In honour of Dr. Isis, I now refer to this as “rundouchery”.) I believe that I finished 4th year with my sanity mostly intact because of exercise. It’s an antidepressant, anxiolytic, analgesic, promotes neurogenesis (= will make you feel good *and* SMRT!), and also can give you a goal to work towards. WIN.

3. Good food.
Get your 5-6 veg + 2 fruit a day and everything will be better, I promise.

4. Be around people.
Family, friends, pets, professionals – whatever your needs are, don’t isolate yourself, as tempting as it may be when you have a mountain of work to conquer. Let people know you’re struggling, and that you need help. Get the help you need, practical, emotional, whatever it may be. Spend whatever time you can afford with the people who make life good.

5. Games and TV.
I am a big fan of games that have defined points where you can leave, e.g. finishing a chamber in Portal or a chapter in a story-driven adventure game. Also TV shows that are interesting but don’t leave you hanging (like Elementary). Sometimes you need to ‘switch off’ for a while, without getting sucked in.

6. Maintain interests outside of study/work.
It’s good to have interests outside of professional ones, however, this I haven’t very good at. I haven’t written, drawn, painted, taken photos, gone bushwalking or caving in a long time – I hope to get back into this sometime soon.

This is what helps me – I’d be happy to hear about what works for other people, when the going gets tough.

Are you conscious? 29 September, 2012

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You know how sometimes it feels like your thoughts are simmering in a big cauldron, that you keep adding ingredients to, until the mixture really starts to bubble and froth, and turns an interesting colour? (Maybe that’s just me.) A few things have recently come together for me, making my thought-mixture very restless.

My research, in a nutshell, has been looking at things that shift controlled, purposeful action to behaviour that is not under executive control. Add to this a good dash of reading (The Neurology of Consciousness, and Saks’ The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat never far from my mind), an elective I’ve been doing this year, which looks at and takes apart the raw processes that construct what we view as completely endogenous, intact and fully-formed thoughts and beliefs, and a pinch of All in the Mind (especially this episode: Are You Conscious?) and you get some serious bubbling action.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the nature of consciousness and choice. If you are completely disengaged withy your surroundings, and on auto-pilot, are you actually conscious? If there are things you can do that make you much more likely to perform certain other behaviours either without wanting to, or without engaging with the outcomes or consequences, what does that mean for the theory of free will? Does personhood exist when behaviour is automatic? Are “we” really more than disparate processes that have somehow been brought together under the guise of cohesion and seamlessness?

In a concrete, every-day sense, these questions don’t matter, I suppose. Life goes on, regardless of whether or not we are actually conscious at every moment; the illusion (if it is, indeed, an illusion) is so pervasive that we live and breathe (and die) in the Matrix. But engaging with these concepts and thought experiments definitely feels unsettling, and I wonder if we’ll ever understand ourselves. If there truly is no “self” to understand though, who is asking the questions?

What I’ve learned this year 17 August, 2012

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Fun: drug stuff, behavioural addictions/compulsions, how to program operant conditioning chambers, that I can write things that get accepted for presentation, multivariate stats (yes – nerdy), seekrit psychology stuff (assessment), and that I am medium-hypnotisable (like 70% of the population).

Not-so-fun: that I actually have to do a conference presentation in the near future, 60+ hour weeks are crap, having to be somewhere every day including public holidays, weekends etc without a break for weeks and without getting paid sucks, that published papers lie about their methods, that results are sometimes really odd, and that, in general, 4th year is brutal.

Random: how to pH stuff, that I really like powder-free gloves and drawing-up needles (perhaps mostly because it’s harder – though not impossible – to hurt myself with these), that male fruit flies are jerks, that research facilities are kind of creepy when you’re the only one working late, that there are bunnies outside said research facility when you’re working late, that brain cupcakes are a thing.

The most important lesson, and a take-home for us all:

Do not drink the blue liquid.

Nicotine Valium Vicodin Marijuana Ecstasy and Alcohol 21 December, 2011

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Next year is the fourth year of my degree, which is part coursework, part research. I recently found out that I’ll be doing the research project in the neuropharmacology lab. At first I was a bit unsure about this, as addiction (the main focus of the neuropharma lab) is not my main area of interest, but then again, I realised it’s all about the brain, which makes it ok in my book (receptors! pathways! downregulation! agonists/antagonists! etc).

The things I’m excited about:

1. Getting a good grasp on brain chemistry and the action of substances of abuse (as well as psychiatric medication).

2. Working in a real lab – with all sorts of instruments and beakers and weird contraptions invented by the people in this centre. And maybe getting to use a mass spectrometer! (What can I say…Abby Sciuto is my geek girl hero.)

3. Being able to wear casual clothes and runners (very different to my job, which has clinical contact!). Shallow, I know, but I like being comfortable.

Exciting! But, at the same time, major changes are afoot in the future of my training/profession, changes that I don’t know a whole lot about yet, but that make me wary. On one hand, there is a (wholly justifiable) push to better regulate the profession, and to require a higher level of qualifications, in line with other countries. On the other, the federal government has recently and dramatically cut the number of sessions available to patients under Medicare (from 18 to 10), which doesn’t comply with evidence-based treatment for a lot of psychological disorders/severity (a good summary here). So on the one hand, lengthier and more stringent training is required, and on the other, you are somewhat thwarted once you finish the training. More changes may be coming up too. Anyway, all I can do is take it one step at a time and hope for the best.


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